New Revelations

I reluctantly went to a gentlemen's club last night with a couple of friends I hadn't seen in a long time, and unexpectedly found myself in the right mindset for the venture. I admit I'm far less interested in this kind of thing than most rock n' rollers are supposed to be, in fact, the industry often depresses me. Anyway, a couple of the entertainers reminded me of some works of art, which inspired me to research Frank Frazetta and Alphonse Mucha, which has inspired me to draw and paint more and also to celebrate women more. I also realized that I am instinctively more attracted to healthy, curvy girls than petite girls, and at least one of my comrades seems to be in agreement.

Hooray!

Update on the Rescue of My Brain from the Clutches of Madness

Not a lot to write about at the moment, just wanted to report that I'm still sustaining happiness, and have enjoyed a philosophical mental journey for the first time in many years. I imagined the possibility that my perception of actuality is entirely unique to me, and everyone I interact with is momentarily visiting it, as I will for them when I'm dreaming, which I equate to astral projection. Strangely, anyone who attempts to prove me wrong can be perceived as an agent sent to keep the mystery intact, likely for my own sanity. That's a brief synopsis, I actually thought very intricately about it. Anyway, I've let cure the concrete of my being of a sound and focused mind. Fear and depression no longer weigh me down, and I am truthfully hopeful for the future. I can't entirely shake the fact that I still miss someone, but that's okay, I've missed someone or another my whole life. I am blessed with a certain lack of concern for many a mental and emotional ball and chain. I recommend everyone everywhere live in a fantasy, otherwise the universe will lose all color, and flavor, and become entirely bland.

A Debt of Gratitude

It's been on my mind lately that everything I was depressed about for the past 14 years has really been for the better. Very recently, I was moving towards being a husband and stepfather, which would have been the end of my life's work towards being a particular kind of musician. I have no business trying to be a family man, or any brand of adult. I've known that my entire life, but I was so enchanted by the woman that any other source of happiness seemed unreal. She was right to call things off with me, even though it really hurt at the time. A mother's instincts are truly powerful, and undebatable. Experience has separated me from who I was when I was truly happy, but I'm now using all I've learned to figure out exactly what's important and how to achieve being who I need to be. Her intuition that I'd never really care about health insurance and financial security was pretty damn accurate. It's no discredit to her that she's looking for that kind of thing, it's about the wellbeing of her child, not some golddigging scandal. I'm grateful to her. I'm grateful to every good woman that left me with the opportunity to realize that I was happy once before, and I have every reason to be that way again. In fact, it is my duty to the world to prove that following your dream is key to the survival of all that exists. Maybe when I'm 50 and wealthy, I'll slow it down and support a family. Maybe not.

Waking Up

It's been a day of good omens. Twice, the number 1998 appeared. That was the last year I remember as having been largely enjoyable. I was prompted to ask myself what made it such a good year, and I realized that it was a time where I was immersed in my own ongoing pursuit of happiness. It rarely bothered me at all that I was single. In fact, I loved that I was, and avoided any risk of losing such a status. Granted, I hadn't yet lost my virginity nor had any lengthy relationship with a woman. It was this that gave me the freedom of will it takes to realize what actually makes me happy, which is being artistically productive and being aware of my ability, and therefore, sharp and focused with what I had. 14 years later, I have experienced much. Enough to realize that I was right in thinking I had it all figured out. Much of last year, I spoke to myself about how that wasn't the case because I was in pursuit of an idea that I thought would be far more spiritually lucrative and satisfying. In hindsight, I was miserable the entire time, enjoying a future that would never come to be. My New Year's Resolutions are to be entirely honest, fearless, and present so that I won't wind up living in some lie, figuring out how to trick myself and everyone else into believing that the world is great, but instead, actually making the world great. I resolve to own responsibility for my own happiness.

New Year

I had all kinds of neat shit I've been meaning to post about, regarding the English language and several inspirational quotes and such, but another holiday has sent me home feeling awful. I really just want to mark, at this moment, that this 2012 year has been rung in as completely horrible and disappointing, not the least of which is due to being ditched by a girl I really like, who I'd have been happy to be in the same building as. I've had very short recesses from depression, which were quickly taken care of by unexpected full page pictures of the last girl to incinerate my heart and things of the like. My hopeful statement for the year, be there any, is that there is so much room for improvement that if I look back on this moment, I can easily call this year the best since '98.