Hope?

I am strongly inclined to execute a pretty drastic and likely negative, however honest action in hopes that something better will come as a result. When I think about it, the inclination to stick it out and be positive comes to mind. The see-saw of this particular situation is levelling. There can be no perfect balance though. Either story will play out as an honest and manly decision. The question, I suppose, is whether I'd prefer the idea of a girl who has really done a number on me to wind up a friend or a fading memory in the worst case scenario. The positive action would win me the friend, but honestly, I have a bounty of friends I was smitten with, and they all hurt me severely and frequently.

Christmas

I don't know if I'm just venting or reaching out or what, but I'm just stuck in that ol' holiday depression. I love my family dearly, but I can't do this anymore. I think I get lonely around this time of year, when togetherness is the big thing going on. When I'm with the ones I love the most, it really stands out in my mind that I don't have someone special. I'm not someone's special someone. I'm nobody's daddy or boyfriend. I'm an uncle, friend, and bandmate, which are all great, but I'm nobody's world, and I have no world. Believe it or not, I don't usually get to feeling this way. I do write about it when it happens though. I wish people could understand why I'd like to opt out of the holiday celebrations. I wish someone would just say "ok" instead of trying to tell me how much it would mean if I'd be around. Maybe I should retort that it'd mean a lot if they'd respect that this ruins me every year.