The Universe has played a strange card, one that makes me feel that I should make the public statement that I'll say nothing in its regard.

The End of the Holidays is Nigh...

And I couldn't be happier for it. The holiday season is rarely any brand of nice to me. I understand that there is stress for everyone, what with all the shopping and traveling and aiming to please, but I'm one of those that takes all the reminders of what the season is for- being with those you love, and spreading joy- and can only focus on those I want to be with that want someone else, and the fact that I haven't any real joy to spread around. I love my friends and family dearly, but I constantly compare my situation to theirs, with their significant others and happy comforts. I went to the company Christmas party and won movie tickets and gift certificates to a very nice restaurant. A perfect date night for someone who has been brutally reminded by past loves that he isn't what a girl wants. One more punch to the gut from the Universe. On the other hand, I bought several comic books recently, and I have many resources to paint and work on blacksmithing, so I can somewhat enjoy my single life. The road ahead is hard, and few see the value in taking it. I can't blame them though, I have no idea what's out there.

So I Had My Family Holiday Party...

...and I gave my dad his present, as he was the name drawn for me as a recipient of a gift. Said gift, and I'm drunk, turned out to be a painting of an ape favoring Mrs. Slides, from William Castle's "House on Haunted Hill", who scared my dad and my sister and myself since early childhood. My joy in this painting came from Dad saying he wouldn't hang it in his room because it may scare him, nor in his office because someone may steal it. I feel myself an effective artist. Beyond that, there was something very strong I wanted to express, but fuck it, I'm drunk. Women want money, men want poon tang, I want truth. Truth with pretty eyes. And poon tang. My rad sister in law got me oil paints and brushes. I'm absurdly grateful! Glad, regardless, to be done with the holidays, to be saved by a worthy New Year's kiss...

Ye Olde Joy of Activity

Have spent very little time on the internet lately, which is better than I'd originally imagined. My friendships are strengthening, and I've stepped into the world of blacksmithing, which is in my blood. I've been working a lot on a really big knife, of which I'm already very proud. I also feel like I'm in the best shape I've been in in years. I miss love and intimacy, but it currently resides in my mind as a fond memory.

An Observation

I have said many times that I believe love is the most destructive force in the world. My case- I constantly aim to be honest with myself and everyone on all counts, regardless of mood or motive. I try to be righteous, and all the virtuous adjectives, but when I share love with a woman, I become the most entirely unforgivable person in her life. Maybe it isn't love to blame. I think there's a purity about honesty that goes far unappreciated. I want to be painfully honest now, because I'm waking up to the fact that most friends in the world hold each other at arm's length. I feel now that the only people I should even consider keeping around in any capacity are the ones who do not fear the truth about me and vice versa.