NOLA

Just got back from Brotha John's wedding! It was amazing!

Here are some of the facts to which I became aware over the past 3 days.

I can meditate and focus on enlightenment 'til the cows come home, but knowing I'll be passing through certain parts of the universe, especially on the way to my brother's wedding, will become intensely destructive, in an emotional sense. I in turn learned that I can zone out in the back of my dad's car for a VERY long time, completely missing entire towns and related conversations.

My tendency to speak sarcastically has got many people to laugh and shrug off some of the most serious and important things I say.

I am rarely, if ever, interested at all in tourist attractions. I am far more inclined to enjoy the gnarled root system of a tree desperately growing through the cracks in a sidewalk, or stopping to appreciate a single brick in a huge wall, without which the wall may be considered flawed to the point of being worthless.

New Orleans is a deeply charming place. It never ceased to hold its charm, which was slightly problematic, as that charm has a particular weight for me.

Unrequited love leads to nihilism.

John and Jill really, really love each other so much that nothing bothered me when they gave their vows. That was amazing. They'll be together forever, and that restores some hope for me.

It is awkward to be one of the only single people at a wedding, especially when people ask why.

Absinthe is a great father/son bonding device.

Done with a car

Tomorrow, or more literally today, I'm going to shop for new transportation. I'm trying to decide between a cruiser/commuter bike or a Honda Ruckus.

I'd like the bike for exercise, but to be honest, I don't always feel like exerting that much energy. The only real downfall to the Ruckus is that I'd have to get insurance and a class M driver's license. That, and it will cost 2 to 3 times as much for the purchase. Hmmm...

So Here It Is

The Facebook page does still exist, but only so I can promote shows and other band stuff. I deleted all my friends, as my big problem was with always getting my communication and updates and whatnot through this fucked virtual friendship with everyone. I missed out on things because I wasn't constantly devoting my attention to the news feed. I'm such a bastard.

I've spent a lot of time reflecting and thinking about my relationships with people. Goddammit, out of nearly 700 "friends", I think I'd get more interaction and fewer lonely nights! So no more aggrandizing acquaintances. Hell, I had a couple of "friends" that I really don't even like. They're just people I know that have never directly accosted me. There's even one that I might consider my enemy, as his every action sends me reeling in disgust, and several of his actions have severely soiled my opinion of a couple of local girls I had previously spent long hours musing over.

I think my constant shutting down of social networking profiles gives people the impression that I'm a hateful asshole or something of the sort. On the contrary, I like all the people too much to rely on vague public conversations, which lack inflection, to be the medium on which to sustain friendship.

A message to many of you, the pretty girls- Your sweet words and pretty pictures tie up my brain on lonely nights. I lose sleep thinking about how you put yourselves on such a display, but for me to voice my undying appreciation just feels inappropriate, as does not voicing my appreciation. I'm too old for this shit.

So step out of the pixels and plasma screens. Be real. Let's go have tea sometime, as drunkenly trying to read myself to sleep sucks, and as it is in life and movies, so it is in a day- how it ends is every bit as important as everything else.

Cycles

It's really getting to me again, being aware of all the life going on in the outside world.

I check my facebook, only to see that everyone in the know had a blast, this rad girl is now dating this douchebag, that perfect girl is still happy with that douchebag, and that guy who fucked every girl I've ever liked is one of the 6 people that facebook wants to announce is my friend. No, he isn't. I added him because I know him, which is probably information he uses to woo the girl I daydream about. Fucker.

So I'm taking the ostrich route. Turning up the "Jake" knob, and turning down the "Everything Else" knob.

I don't need a friends list. Most of them are acquaintances anyway.

Burn Before Reading

So, drunkenly, I decided the other night to write a pretty long message to a girl through facebook, telling her how she makes me feel, how I appreciate everything about her, and all that stuff that keeps me hoping she'll call or show up somewhere. I spent a long time wording everything perfectly and trying to make sure that even if she wasn't interested, she would still take it as a compliment. Then I deleted it. It is a hard lesson to learn and make a practice of, but it seems the only way to keep something you really like is to never, ever show any appreciation.

A statement of satisfaction is a kiss of death.