Falling Down the Ladder of Positivity

And hitting every negative ass rung on the way down.

A song I heard last night got me feeling sentimental, and lead to the gamit of emotions including paranoia, sadness, anxiety, anger, and nostalgia.

I'm about to be in Austin twice within the next few days, and I've done well to not let that bother me until about last night. No matter what happens, my gut will be in knots the entire time. I'm just glad the Wolves' tour starts there. Everything else will be a breeze, unless I run into some worst case scenario type action or information.

Adding to my sinking mood, I've seen a certain model of car about 5 times today, and heard a certain name a few times, and been reminded of some particularly fond memories. Then, I go to meet my mom for lunch, she has to cancel because the courthouse where she works was on lockdown. A guy who was to be on trial today for sexually assaulting his daughter, who I've heard was mentally handicapped, apparently ran his daughter over with his car before going into the courthouse and shooting 4 people with a rifle, killing one, and I believe another died afterward. (It's been a while since I posted this, and the idea that I almost got my mom shot won't leave my mind. She'd have left 2 hours later if I hadn't rescheduled our lunch.)

Kinda hard to stay exclusively happily excited about the upcoming tour and my new guitar being painted, but it's a start.

I am finding sense in acting as a libertine to numb myself and replace my hopes of something I've always wanted, but will doubtfully ever achieve.