I am grossly underslept, which likely plays a part in my sour mood. I had a dream that woke me all the way up about 5 hours after I passed out, and discussed the dream with the person in it that made it disturbing, and I'm afraid I upset her. Since this morning, I've felt the strong effects of deep depression weighing down like the Earth was standing on me for once. I am well aware of many of the things that haunt me and make me feel this way, and the best way to get through it that I can find is pretty much to grin and bear it. Sadly, even when I get good at this practice, the feelings have a way of resurfacing as strong as ever. I can't escape my subconscious thoughts, my dreams, the strange little things that trigger a thought that snowballs into a crushing avalanche of despair. I can put my demons on the back burner, but unwatched, the pots on the back burner tend to boil over. People love to tell me I do this to myself. Thing is, the people I'm upset about aren't exactly at fault, they're just people doing what people do. Since I'm emotionally incapable of doing what everyone else does, I can't flush out my problems with new experiences anywhere near as easily as everyone else does. People tell me how great I am for not reacting so much outwardly as others do, then chastise me for reacting inwardly. I don't think I do it to myself, I just try to be careful with everyone else at my own expense. My world is not beautiful. The beautiful things in my world are maddeningly unattainable to me, not so much to those who hold nothing sacred, the people with hearts that don't bleed.