Nothing that hasn't been said a godzillion times already

America pisses and moans about America being fat and lazy. America shits and cries about petroleum pricing and pollution. America farts and hollers about its people's rights, which are more often than not, privileges.

I work in a mall. Thankfully not a retail job, but my place of business is in a shopping mall. I ride a bike, so I often eat at the food court on the opposite end of the mall.

We'll sidestep a second for a question of geometry. Is it actually true that the quickest route from A to B is a straight line? Not if you're walking through an American mall, it ain't! I can follow the sidewalk outside the mall to the food court and get there far faster than through the hallway. Why? Because people loaf around at almost negative speeds, elbow to spread elbow, dragging their fucking feet down every hallway, every minute of the day.

My pack-a-day smoking ass could make it from one end to the other in about 6 minutes, halls clear. The people that drive tanks to every destination further than the end of the driveway take weeks to walk past a single shop. These are most likely the people who complained enough to have my smoking PRIVILEGE taken away because they have a "RIGHT" to be fat, slow, stinky, and defensive in the "PUBLIC PLACE" that is the mall in which I work and often spend my lunch breaks. ("Public place" is in quotes because the mall is actually private property, which is why if some drunk teenager wrecks your car, the cops can't do anything about it. Since it is private property, we have no right to be there, but a privilege, and the city's smoking ban should not be enforced unless it is the will of the mall's owners, which it is, but it is not the will of several local business owners, but I digress...)

I'm not the most cultured, healthy person in America, Texas, Beaumont, even my own house, and maybe it's my awareness of that which has sparked some changes in my habits lately. My message to everyone is one word- Move. Walk a hair faster, ride a bike, run, just quit being a goddamn slug, congesting massive hallways with your goddamn slug friends and families, marveling at cheap shit made out of petroleum byproducts that are raising gas prices even more.

Or don't. I enjoy the exercise and fresh air I get when I take the outside route. When every parking spot in America requires a handicap parking tag because our population is too weak and feeble, the bike rack is still closer to the door.

Sorry, I go through this thought process many times a day. Now I've addressed it, hopefully it won't haunt me anymore.

I'd like to note that Jared Hinson fueled my knowledge of the difference between what is a right and a privilege, and the difference between public and private, when it comes to property.